Ask Me Anything: I'm a Mom, Army Vet, and new Blogger who has struggled with clinical depression since 3rd grade.

Carissa Lara
Jan 8, 2018

I was in 3rd grade the first time I asked to be evaluated for depression. Unfortunately, I wasn't officially diagnosed until I was about 22 years old. A couple deployments, married, divorced, married again, and a few kids later, here I am.

Now, I'm the mom of three girls (All born in Apr. Go figure). My oldest two both have severe speech delays but no official diagnosis. My little one is only 8 months old so we are holding our breath to see how she develops.

I just started a new blog a couple of weeks ago. I write about being a mom with depression. You can check it out and learn more about me at www.diaryofasadmom.com. Feel free to leave a comment and share your stories.

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What piece of advice would you give to your children?

Jan 14, 3:36PM EST0

Do you have a hobby?

Jan 13, 2:47PM EST0

When were you the happiest person in the world? Tell us about that moment.

Jan 11, 10:47AM EST0

I think that the strongest people are those who accept their flaws but still find the way to make themselves happy. How did you accept yours?

Jan 9, 3:42PM EST0

Do you think that it is better to be stupid but happy or smart but sad?

Jan 9, 3:07PM EST0

What is your definition of life and love?

Jan 9, 4:40AM EST0

What is your most praised characteristic?

Jan 9, 4:23AM EST0

People tell me that I'm really smart. I'm not as smart as people make me out to be though. I'm just a naturally curious person. Probably more so than average. I like to figure out how things work and figure out how to make it better and easier. I figure out computers by just clicking on stuff and figuring out what different things do. I used to read encyclopedias for fun so I retained a lot of random knowledge. People find me approachable so they ask me for help a lot and I'm normally able to fix their problem or point them to someone who can. I give good advice (that I don't always follow myself).  Put that all together and people think that I'm super smart.

Jan 9, 5:48AM EST0

Did you find your peace in your children?

Jan 9, 3:22AM EST0

No, I did not. But what I did find was motivation and purpose.

Jan 9, 5:39AM EST0

That's all the time that I have. Thank you again to all of you who asked questions. Check out my blog at www.diaryofasadmom.com. I have a new blog post coming very soon. Leave a comment and let me know what you think.

Jan 8, 8:38PM EST0

Good evening everyone. Thank you to everyone who has posted questions so far. Looking forward to chatting with you all.

Jan 8, 8:04PM EST0

What has been the hardest moment in your life?

Jan 8, 12:44PM EST0

That's a good question. It's hard to narrow down just one moment that stands out above the rest. If I had to choose, I'd go with the time I had to convince my parents to kick my cousin out of the house. He used to beat and torment me on an almost daily basis. To this day he's the only person I've ever been afraid of. It was my word against his. He only ever left a mark once. That was when he kicked a door into my face. He told everyone I fell. I told everyone he did it. My mom has a bad and very selective memory so she doesn't remember ever seeing the bruise on my forehead. It took a long time for me to finally sit my parents down and beg them to send him away. He swore he'd make me regret it. Thankfully, he never got that chance and I was able to convince my parents to make him leave. He still tries to mess with my head whenever he gets the chance but we live in different states and I finally convince my mom to stop entertaining him when he asks about me.

Jan 8, 7:55PM EST0

Do you have any prejudices or you are an open-minded person?

Jan 8, 5:34AM EST0

I consider myself a fairly open-minded person. But all people have prejudices. Anyone who says that they don't is lying to themselves. Prejudice tends to have very negative connotations because people most commonly use it to refer to racism or homophobia. So people will be quick to tell you that they have no prejudices. But those are not the only use of the word. For example, there are certain foods I would never try because the thought just kinda weirds me out (i.e. frog legs or the dancing squid rice bowl). I don't have any good reason to think that it's gross or doesn't taste good. I just think it's weird and will never try it.

Jan 8, 6:10AM EST0
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How are you as a Mother?

Jan 8, 4:30AM EST0

Honestly, I don't think that I'm a very good mom. My husband says different but I still don't believe him. I blame myself for things unnecessarily. Since both of my older kids have severe speech delays I feel like I've failed them. We don't even know why there is a delay. I often feel like I'm doing something wrong since both of them are affected.

I also struggle with daily routines and self-care. Some days I barely remember to brush my own teeth but I have to make sure all three of my kids have theirs brushed. Bedtime is whenever I realize that it's getting late. And as much as I try to ignore it I always see some post about the latest and greatest recommendations that are totally impossible to do for a working mom. For example. The Recommended bedtime for my oldest child is 7pm. I don't get home from work until 6pm. By the time I get everyone out of the car, dinner, baths, and hair done it's well after 7pm. When am I supposed to spend time with them? Just one more thing to feel guilty about I guess.Even though I don't think I'm doing a very good job, I will say that my kids are all happy and healthy. That's the most important part. So I can't be completely messing up.

Jan 8, 5:15AM EST0

Who is your biggest support?

Jan 7, 10:56PM EST0

My biggest support is actually my mom. She's frustrating to talk to sometimes because she remembers my childhood a lot rosier than I do. However, I can call me almost any time and vent and get advice. If she can't talk at that moment she never fails to check back with me when she's available. My mom always reminds me that I'm a strong and capable person. Her faith in me is unwavering. I just wish I didn't live 600+ miles away from her.

Jan 8, 4:58AM EST0

Did you try to overcome depression or did you just accept things as they are?

Jan 7, 9:44PM EST0

I go back and forth between the two. I desperately want to overcome my depression. However, there have been many times when I've lost hope and given up trying. I start to think that maybe this is just who I am and how my life is supposed to be. Thankfully, I always get back to trying to overcome my depression. I believe I'll beat it one day.

Jan 8, 4:52AM EST0

How did you know that you have depression back then?

Jan 7, 11:27AM EST0

I had this dark cloudy haze hanging over me. I felt detached from everything. There was a long period where I felt very alone in the world. It felt like I was the only one that really existed. Other people were just robots put here to keep me company. I went from being a happy outgoing kid to being shy and withdrawn. Eventually, I felt as empty as the robots around me. I knew something was wrong. I used to read encyclopedias for fun. I would pick one at random, let it fall open and read whatever article opened up. One day, it was an article about depression. It was as if the author was talking about me. For the first time in a long time, things started to clear up. I asked my mom to get me tested. She said no. My dad's insurance won't cover it. Things got worse from there. I didn't ask again until I was in high school. She again said no. This time she said that I had just read so much into it that I just think that I have depression. It was heartbreaking. It wasn't until years later that I got an official diagnosis. If you want more details you can check out my blog post. 


Jan 7, 4:46PM EST0

Do you believe in love? Who is your greatest love?

Jan 7, 10:06AM EST0

I absolutely believe in love. My four greatest loves are my husband and my three girls. They drive me crazy but I wouldn't trade them for anything in this world.

Jan 7, 4:35PM EST0

Do you think that people nowadays become more and more anxious, if yes, why do you think so?

Jan 7, 9:29AM EST0

Yes. We are becoming more anxious and depressed. It's caused by our life styles. People tend to stay indoors more and have less human interaction than in the past. Our brains need sunlight, interaction, and exercise. I recently read a great book that talked about all of these things. It's call The Depression Cure by Dr. Stephen Ilardi. I recommend it to everyone.

Jan 7, 2:18PM EST0

Do you think that positive thinking can help in overcoming the depression?

Jan 7, 9:07AM EST0

I do believe that positive thinking can help overcome depression. One of the things that people with depression often do is ruminate constantly over things. That cycle of rumination can prolong and deepen a depressive episode. Positive thinking can help break that cycle. It's a lot easier said than done. Sometimes, it takes me a while to even realize that I am ruminating.

Jan 7, 2:11PM EST0

Would you be ready to change your life for something/someone?

Jan 7, 8:14AM EST0

I'm always trying to be better than I am. But I try to be better for me and my kids. I've tried many times to change for other people and have always failed. At the end of the day, I was always trying to make someone else happy and never myself. I'm still guilty of doing that from now and then but I try to focus on doing what I need to do for me.

Last edited @ Jan 7, 8:48AM EST.
Jan 7, 8:43AM EST0
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